is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
