can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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