Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
