need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
