i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
