Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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