and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
