she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
