you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
