Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just found puke in my bra..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
