do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
