i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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