She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
