I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
