I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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