marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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