So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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