don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
