VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
