Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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