Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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