How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
