home. puking in laundry basket.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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