Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
