ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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