The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She even gives head with a lisp.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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