Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
