I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
