If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
