And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
