I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
