Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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