Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
