not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
