He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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