he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
