Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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