What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
