I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My dick has a subreddit
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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