i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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