If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
