I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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