I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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