If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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