And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
