Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
