I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
