she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
