Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
