my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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