Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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