OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
