Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
