On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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