Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
